It was over a week ago that I was trying to do a push press with 30kg, and I just could not get the bar over my head. It kept getting ‘stuck’ at my shoulders.
I felt SO weak. And it was crazy because I’d been able to do it before (I have it written down in my little book).
I talked to the coach about it, and he asked, “What have you been eating?”
Oh. Right. Food=Energy.
I really do love to eat–especially when the night is cold and the Pad Thai is hot. But something strange happened to me the past month that hasn’t happened before–I lost my appetite.
The only other time I had little to no desire to eat was when I had pneumonia–but this was different. For reasons that could fill a book (were I to write it all out), I’ve been walking around in a pretty bad depression for about a month. It’s not like the Seasonal Affective Disorder I had when I lived in Alaska, where I would just lay on the couch, cry and still manage to eat.
This time, I could still function and only tear up a little when people innocently asked, “How are you?” but in addition, I had no food cravings (which is WEIRD because I am addicted to nut butters). My stomach would growl at the usual times, and I would feed it a cucumber.
If you Crossfit, you probably know that cucumbers alone don’t make the best fuel for a workout.
I admit, I DID enjoy not having any food cravings. And I’m sure part of this whole messed-up episode was the fact that while I couldn’t control my circumstances, I could control food. So, I took ‘control’ (however warped) over what I could control, and buckled up to ride the emotional roller coaster from hell.
Even though I lost about ten pounds, I can’t say I recommend depression as an adequate weight-loss plan.
On the bright side, I’ve re-gained my appetite (but not the ten pounds…yet) and I hope that I can build my strength back up.
Our coach says, “F***orget the scale!” and I’m trying.
While I was strictly vegan for about a year, I have added meat on special occasions (like steak when we eat out), seafood (shrimp Pad Thai on Fridays), and eggs (every morning). I’m trying to listen to my body, so I can give it what it needs to do the things it wants to do.
It will take some work, but I want to be strong–and to do that, ironically, means a little bit of letting go.