Tag Archives: food

A Sugar Junkie Reforms (Again)

candy bugs

While I usually strive for excellent nutrition, this weekend I fell off the wagon–and I feel like it ran me over.

I’ve been participating in a strength and nutrition challenge, and I think I probably blew all my progress on one weekend of chocolate eggs, ham and potatoes.

But I reform!


My kids joke about me being a good addict because I always seem to mean it when I say I’m going to quit.

But it’s true this time.


From here on out, no more sugar (and a lot of other stuff on the verboten list).

The problem with being a junkie is that nobody believes you when you say you’re going to quit–you actually have to DO it. Even then they think you’re hiding M&M’s in your sock drawer.

However, before my relapse, I was feeling really good. I was more focused, energetic and I simply felt better overall (despite my dietary infractions with pommes).

I feel like I’ve arrived at a critical moment in my life, where several major events are intersecting, and how I handle them (like in a good time-travel movie) will shape my future–for better or worse.

I opt for better.

It’s easy to get caught up in the high of a single moment, instead of waiting for the rewards of a long-term investment.

No one forced me to eat chocolate eggs; it was a choice I made. A bad one, obviously, but it was still something over which I had control.

I was telling a friend about one of our WODs. I was doing a 100 meter farmers carry when it started hailing. She (not a cross fitter, but I love her dearly) said, “They MADE you go outside anyway?”

“Made me?”

“It’s not boot camp,” she replied. “You didn’t have to do it.”

“But it was for time!”

Sometimes you just do stuff–especially with the clock running. Getting ice down my tank top was just another variable that makes Crossfit interesting.

It’s the same thing with marathon training. I run in any kind of weather, except, perhaps, monsoons because I don’t like debris flying at me.

It’s a mindset.

If you think you can’t control your sugar problem, then you will relapse. But if you don’t give yourself an option, then you just might be ok this time.

There are a lot of things I won’t be able to control this week–like getting a face-to-face interview for the job I really want.

But what I can control, I will.

If it means choosing the 16kg kettle bells instead of the 12s, I will. Or at least I’ll try. If it means Just Saying No to pommes, then I’ll do that too.

It all boils down to something our coach asked while I was pressing:

How bad do you want it?

I was fairly happy with the press.

But how badly do I want a new life?

It’s all I can think about anymore.

And that means it’s time to stop talking about it and to dig in and make it happen. The whole course of my future could hinge on what choices I make today.

I want to make the right ones for a change.

I really mean it this time.

Wait and see.











vintage thanksgiving (6)

Four days of no Crossfit is 3 1/2 too many. And now that we’re about a week post-feast, I can fit back into my spandex, but it was touch and go there for a while, and I started the hunt for the perfect sweatpants, just in case.

The day after Thanksgiving, we did go to the pool, and I did wear my size small bikini, but I felt like a BIG, FAT SLUG. It was a feeling that lasted through Saturday’s eight-mile run, Monday’s WOD, and lingered until yesterday’s great CWOD. Even though I was slow yesterday, I think I sweated a LOT of the slugness out of me. 

The hard part about holiday eating is simply the “it’s only once a year” mindset. Because if it’s only once a year, you’d better eat AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN before the cucumber and lettuce hammer falls once again.

If you have a gluten problem, like me, then you also feel obligated to eat the entire gluten-free apple pie your daughter baked, because she went to so much trouble. And as for the gluten-free pumpkin cheesecake…I made that PURELY for the kids.

Okay, that was a lie. But it’s only once a year, right?

vintage thanksgiving (11)

No. The once a year thing has got to stop. Because in addition to the pure wrong-ness of binge eating as much fat and sugar as possible within a 24 hour time frame, it can really throw off your healthy-eating groove, and launch you into a toxic hunger death spiral. Pretty soon you’re bloated and craving sugar popcorn while you online shop for sweatpants.

I need balance in my life in all areas. I think it will be FINE to have Mandeln nuts at the Christkindlesmarkt, but maybe I should have the kleine Tüte and not the grossen. Maybe I CAN have some pumpkin cheesecake on Christmas, but not half the pie.

This will be a battle. In addition to the traditional German foods that emerge from hibernation this time of year, my mother is visiting for the holidays, and she will bring family recipes that have been part of the holiday season since Eve baked the first sugar cookie.

I hate to seem finicky about food, but too much dairy makes my hands ache; too much salt makes my knees hurt; too many grains make me bloated; a little gluten feels like I’ve swallowed nails; and too much gluten knocks me out faster than a shot of Rohypnol.

I am THE world’s worst dinner guest!

Or maybe I’m the BEST because I bring my own food? 

The point is: when I throw off the health fetters, I’m harming my body. I’ve got to really focus on how I’m fueling my body–even if the entire house smells like freshly-baked cookies.

The path leading to the holidays is dangerous–go with caution! 

Eating is a Good Thing

self control

The dial on my German griddle–it cracks me up.

It was over a week ago that I was trying to do a push press with 30kg, and I just could not get the bar over my head. It kept getting ‘stuck’ at my shoulders.

I felt SO weak. And it was crazy because I’d been able to do it before (I have it written down in my little book).

I talked to the coach about it, and he asked, “What have you been eating?”

Oh. Right. Food=Energy. 

I really do love to eat–especially when the night is cold and the Pad Thai is hot. But something strange happened to me the past month that hasn’t happened before–I lost my appetite. 

The only other time I had little to no desire to eat was when I had pneumonia–but this was different. For reasons that could fill a book (were I to write it all out), I’ve been walking around in a pretty bad depression for about a month. It’s not like the Seasonal Affective Disorder I had when I lived in Alaska, where I would just lay on the couch, cry and still manage to eat.

This time, I could still function and only tear up a little when people innocently asked, “How are you?” but in addition, I had no food cravings (which is WEIRD because I am addicted to nut butters). My stomach would growl at the usual times, and I would feed it a cucumber.

If you Crossfit, you probably know that cucumbers alone don’t make the best fuel for a workout.

I admit, I DID enjoy not having any food cravings. And I’m sure part of this whole messed-up episode was the fact that while I couldn’t control my circumstances, I could control food. So, I took ‘control’ (however warped) over what I could control, and buckled up to ride the emotional roller coaster from hell.

Even though I lost about ten pounds, I can’t say I recommend depression as an adequate weight-loss plan.

On the bright side, I’ve re-gained my appetite (but not the ten pounds…yet) and I hope that I can build my strength back up.

Our coach says, “F***orget the scale!” and I’m trying.

While I was strictly vegan for about a year, I have added meat on special occasions (like steak when we eat out),  seafood (shrimp Pad Thai on Fridays), and eggs (every morning). I’m trying to listen to my body, so I can give it what it needs to do the things it wants to do.

It will take some work, but I want to be strong–and to do that, ironically, means a little bit of letting go.