Learning to Stand

Sometimes you just have to stand up.

I had a wonderful, Crossfitty post ready this morning, but the anxiety in the pit of my stomach tells me to write and let it out.

I used to be feisty, independent and full of life & vibrance. But somewhere along the way, I went comfortably numb: ignoring major problems and learning to be a good victim by sleeping silently in my coma, as life slipped by.

I blame Crossfit for ripping out the IV. 

It’s not that the physical strength I’ve gained makes me feel like I can physically defend myself, if I needed to; but Crossfit has helped me to feel stronger mentally. I can’t lift a bus full of schoolchildren over my head just by thinking about it, but I know what I HAVE accomplished at Crossfit–and it is a world away from where I began. 

It is a frightening thing to stand up, especially when you’ve been lying down for so long. Confrontation makes me literally feel sick. I don’t like to rock the boat. I LIKE to be the peacemaker. But some things are worth the effort, even when the weight is heavy.

My weight is heavy today. And though I like to write chipper, amusing posts, I also want to be real with you, because we are MORE than what people see online. I want to share my ups and downs & what I learn as I uncover more of the ‘real’ me, who’s been buried under an avalanche of issues for years.

I don’t know if this is a mid-life crisis, or a mid-life catharsis.

Either way, I have to just stand up.

I’ve worked my way up to it.

Something has to change. Right now.

Life is too short to stay down.

I don’t want to, and though I dread it, I’ve got to stand up today.

Stolz Sein.

And HTFU.