Learning to Stand

BOL down1

Sometimes you just have to stand up.

I had a wonderful, Crossfitty post ready this morning, but the anxiety in the pit of my stomach tells me to write and let it out.

I used to be feisty, independent and full of life & vibrance. But somewhere along the way, I went comfortably numb: ignoring major problems and learning to be a good victim by sleeping silently in my coma, as life slipped by.

I blame Crossfit for ripping out the IV. 

It’s not that the physical strength I’ve gained makes me feel like I can physically defend myself, if I needed to; but Crossfit has helped me to feel stronger mentally. I can’t lift a bus full of schoolchildren over my head just by thinking about it, but I know what I HAVE accomplished at Crossfit–and it is a world away from where I began. 

It is a frightening thing to stand up, especially when you’ve been lying down for so long. Confrontation makes me literally feel sick. I don’t like to rock the boat. I LIKE to be the peacemaker. But some things are worth the effort, even when the weight is heavy.

My weight is heavy today. And though I like to write chipper, amusing posts, I also want to be real with you, because we are MORE than what people see online. I want to share my ups and downs & what I learn as I uncover more of the ‘real’ me, who’s been buried under an avalanche of issues for years.

I don’t know if this is a mid-life crisis, or a mid-life catharsis.

Either way, I have to just stand up.

I’ve worked my way up to it.

Something has to change. Right now.

Life is too short to stay down.

I don’t want to, and though I dread it, I’ve got to stand up today.

Stolz Sein.

And HTFU. 

About Keri

Writer, widow, life story coach, expat, Mom of 4, madly in love with Crossfit and Krav Maga--my life is stranger than fiction View all posts by Keri

One response to “Learning to Stand

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